Pot smoking pinkos in the electoral commission!

Maccas ad inspires false hope

I decided to do a real world test on the maccas ad where the dudes alarm goes off at 1025am and he jumps fences and dodges cars etc to get some breaky by 1030.

Seeing my fitness was down a bit and I was in unfamiliar territory, I set off at 1010am....time seemed to pass at a rapid rate and new bends and turns seemed to appear where they had not existed previously, but finally by 1026am I had spotted the famed golden arches in the distance. A couple of near misses from cars unaware of my predicament and I was hurdling the last fence with one last check of my watch....1029am, I had done the unthinkable.....hotcakes would be mine.

If only life were so simple...as I sauntered up to the counter the first bout of panic hit me for the bacon and egg muffins and hash browns on the menu were changing into burgers and fries. I still had hope, surely at 1030 on the dot they don't suddenly throw all their breakfast food away....it had been a long journey and a burger for Sunday breakfast was just not gonna do it for me. Then hope just about faded completely, the cheery girl serving the person next to me announced that breakfast was OVER....just like that, no 2minute warning, things were over and there was nothing she could do about it.

I was upset but I had to find out for myself. My turn to be served and with my heart pounding I inquired if they had any hotcakes left.......now I was in quite a state at this point as I probably looked like some kind of junkie looking for a free handout.......with a slight look of panic on his face, the dude behind the counter glanced around furtively and delivery the news that the hotcakes were in fact all over. Distressed, I settled for an orange juice and left the restaurant to regather my thoughts, it had all been for nothing....wasted exercise, energy and hope, they couldn't deliver and I was finished.

Now I would like to deliver a happy ending but unfortunately there was none....I simply write this to inform you all to not believe everything you see on television, especially McDonald's advertising...I hope you never have to experience what I went through....

Greetings from Sydney

So it has finally come to pass, I am no longer a member of the esteemed Canberra brethren. It's took longer than I ever thought possible to escape the clutches of the nation's capital, better late than never though.

While I am still adjusting to the sights and sounds of the big city, I did find sometime to go back and celebrate with my old comrades (Ferret and Debsie at least) on Canberra turf one last time. And celebrate we did from what I recall. Substance abuse is a wonderful thing that is every man's god given right, but I have noticed it can lead to short term memory loss. So I will fill you in with the pieces (not necessarily in chronological order) that I can remember.

Upon arrival Ferret presented me with a gift of our friendship. Apparently he knew the secret of my childhood that I was in fact an avid bird watcher. The present that fell to the floor as I ripped open the packaging was non-other than a man G-String in the shape of a Toucan. I started grabbing hastily for my gin as it dawned on me this present wasn't entirely for show.

Then apparently this happened. ...



Along with me and Ferret, I would like to introduce you to a new member of the brethren, he goes by the moniker of the Latvian. Can I suggest that if you ever go to Canberra (or even if you live there) it’s actually a lot of fun on a 24hr bender.

P.S. Did anyone else notice the distinct lack of Debsie's participation in that video?... hmmm

Whatever u say Debs...

.. but for me, this was by far the highlight of the day... Debsie's busy doing his best impersonation of a douchebag while "first-rate" Marcus just stands there like he has a carrot up his arse...

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you.... 4 tickets to the gun show!

Field Day 07

Originally meant to be posted sometime around the actual event but better late than never m_therfucka!

Tisket A tasket.

All I can say is for everyone that was present at the very first Field Day a couple of years ago, there’s no way it could ever be topped – breaks and house were exploding across Sydney, it had a strong sense of excitement and you just can’t beat the intimacy of what was a much smaller festival. What is Field Day? Well it’s basically one of the city’s most iconic events and biggest and best parties in the world held in the grassy Domain each year on the 1st of January. This time Ferret Boy and I invaded the scene, and left a lasting impression with intoxication, fornication, and thrashing our collective....well you get the rest.

By the time we reached the Domain at 2:30 odd the clouds had dispersed and the sun was starting to come out – revealing a glorious sunny blue day that never really got too hot. First up was straight Concert Stage for a little bit of Crazy Penis. Expectations were high for these guys after cracking live performances at both Parklife and Good Vibrations in years gone by, but what the crowd got was an all-too-chilled set that would have been better off over in the Jazz Lounge. It’s hard to say exactly what happened here: perhaps there was too much unfamiliar new material being dropped or maybe the cavernous space of the Main Stage didn’t work for their particular brand of disco funk. What worked so well in creating a ‘festival’ atmosphere at Parklife last year didn’t quite hit the spot this time.

Mylo was another of the big names to hit the Main Stage before the sun went down, and for someone with a reputation as an extremely popular producer but an average DJ, he did a whole lot better than expected. Fortunately for us, The Freestylers with their always subliminal breaks and the UK Duo Plump DJs nu-school dance ‘anthems’ came through in the clutch both delivering mind blowing performances that rocked the crowd. Other great acts from what I can remember were Kid Kenobi, Kaskade and an impressive international lineup featuring Tom Neville, Jamie Lidell and Switch. But anyway enough of that, I’m starting to feel like I’m writing a Lightfoot review…perhaps I should write about the quality of the water in the dunnies to make it sound more legitimate?

During the show I managed to capture these two kids pulling some kind of crazy freestyle. I was kind of hoping the guy in the checkered shirt was going to stack it and land on his arse, but sadly it didn’t come close to how it played out in my mind.



...In fact this what I always think when someone comes blowing by on a fucking push bike, flashing a hand-plant on a skater, jump ropes, trampolines, you name it...I often wonder if I’m the only kid who thinks like this?...Maybe I’m just sadistic.

I’m going to leave you what turned out to be the highlight of the trip for mine and I think Ferret Boy will agree. During our drive up to Sydney, we saw this kid in the Marulan Kentucky Fried Chicken line up. Boys and girls I give you.....Rednut. :)



Hehe what a cut little freak! If the gay arse red haired mullet wasn’t enough, he managed to package the entire presentation in an extremely tight fitting salmon colored wife beater, so tight that you can clearly see the outline of the spine running down the middle of his back. Standing all of 5 foot 4, the guy was clearly the membrane straight off his old mans cock. What a sight, luckily I composed myself and remembered I had my phone with me at the time, because this fine specimen was definitely something worth remembering. In fact I remember Ferret saying something along the lines of erecting a statue out of the Bogan when we got back home....if only.

Oh yeah..and I’ll rip down the basket.

Love Debs.

Fist vs Ferret

A fight 40,000 years in the making, there will be no love lost in this matchup, both fighters have prepared extensively for this bout. Tonight it's not about the prize money.... this time it's personal.

Fist: "Yeah i think basically I'm going to go into the octagon and just take Ferret down with a combination of speed, skill and ferocity. He's simply not ready, I know he's got some good takedown moves but I've been working on all aspects of my game, look for a first round knockout."

Ferret: "He's been talking smack for too long now, it's time for me to show that nobody messes with Ferret, basically the way I see it is there's two ways out of the octagon for Fist tonight, tap out or get knocked out."

So without further adieu....

The New Traveller Add

Waking up Christmas day, and sporting the nastiest hangover from the night before, I wasn’t in much of a mood to revel in the spirit of our fine religious holiday much less make nice with the relatives and ugly in-laws.

What was I to do? I needed an escape plan and stat. Fortunately for me, my brother was rostered on to do surf lifesaving duties down at the beach for most of the day...so I joined in on the fun.

What was meant to be just another boring Christmas day turned out to be a day I won’t soon forget as I met Golie! (Aptly named because spit forms round the outside of his mouth when he talks) He’s a 60yr old ex Iron Man champion who’s still the Australian champion and record holder for his age group. Hanging around this guy is like sitting round a camp fire listening to Ray Martin tell stories…I’m seriously considering joining the surf club just so I can bask in Golie’s heavenly glory and ask him what it feels like to have guys like Trevor Hendy, Darren and Dean Mercer look up to you.


You can’t see much from the vid, but Golie gives us the maddest thumbs up of all time as he drives off with the quad to get us some meat pies...or 'travellers'.



Oh yeah and my bro rescued some Asian swimmers wearing pairs of Poindexters old bodgy smugglers. Hehe I didn’t know you sold those puppies on eBay already! I would’ve paid a small fortune for em Dex.